Winning with Gratitude

The Negotiation That Matters Most: Winning the War Within

When we feel dissatisfied—whether with our job, our relationship, or our life circumstances—our first instinct is to try and negotiate better external conditions. We think I need a raise, I need a new boss, I need a change. However, the most critical place to begin any negotiation is with the voice between your ears. Changing your internal attitude is the fastest way to create a self-win.

When we are in a negative state, our focus narrows. We more easily spot the flaws in other people and the negatives in our circumstances. When we are in a good mood, that internal filter widens, and we naturally seek out the positives and opportunities. Our attitude doesn’t just describe our outlook—it dictates our perception.

Choosing Gratitude

Gratitude is a choice. It is not a spontaneous reaction; it is a deliberate mental tool used for negotiating with negative thoughts. It’s the commitment you make to choose a positive filter, regardless of what your default mode thinking suggests.

Think about the rush of novelty: the excitement of a new job, or the spontaneous joy of falling in love. In those moments, happiness is effortless. We are filled with high expectations and are in love with the idea of a wonderful future. We don’t have to work at being positive.

But long-term happiness—the deep satisfaction that sustains a career, a long-term relationship, or a rewarding life—is different. It requires conscious choices and commitments. It requires us to commit to the situation, yes, but more importantly, to commit to how we feel about the situation once the novelty wears off.

Practicing gratitude is one of those essential choices.

When your default thinking tells you your situation is bad, you have powerful options for how to deal with those thoughts:

  1. You can act on them rashly.
  2. You can sit there and stew in the negativity.
  3. You can focus on the positives of your situation and practice gratitude.

The negotiation with your attitude is the only one you can win 100% of the time, and it makes every external challenge far easier to handle.

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