Category: The Top 1% Mindset: Optimism, Mental Clarity, Happiness, and Motivation

Anger Prevention: Anger is a normal feeling when we have experiences that threaten our beliefs or possessions. We can learn skills that give us a choice in the way we respond to that feeling.

Anger Prevention: Different Triggers for Different People

We all have individual triggers.  I say individual triggers, because different things create different feelings and different responses in different people.

For example, heights frighten some people. For other people, heights are thrilling.  Furthermore, the amount that people feel fearful or thrilled varies from person to person.

In the case of bungy jumping, some people are fearful of leaping off a high place to the extent that they cannot even walk out to point where other people jump with glee.  Between these extremes are people who have more intense or less intense feelings about jumping off high places.

How Powerful are Triggers?

When triggered, we experience the impulse to act.

Emotions are not thoughts.  And, under some circumstances, our emotions can fire faster than our ability to think before acting. For example, two people see a person fall.  One laughs.  Another one winces.

Neither person thought about how they would respond to what they are seeing.  Instead, they are experiencing feeling in their unconscious mind.

Becoming Smart to Avoid Triggers

The first step in anger management is recognizing sources that create patterns in the emotions governing our thoughts.  These patterns are circumstances that increase the likelihood that we will respond emotionally rather than mentally. However, we can become smart to avoid triggers.

When we recognize these patterns, we can make changes in our behavior that affect our ability to deal with stress.

For example, in rush-hour traffic on the freeways, there are miles of cars.  The way that each driver experiences the drive varies from calm awareness to rage.

Rage can lead to dangerous actions.  If we recognize the patterns of behavior that precede the rage, we can change that pattern.  For example, caffeine, hunger, fatigue, and starting late increase anxiety before we even get on the road.

Additionally, anxiety can press us to try to drive faster than the flow of traffic.  When we become frustrated with drivers who slow us down, our anxiety increases further.

The solution is to eliminate or change our emotions before we get on the road. Before dashing out the door, we take a break to relax.  In other cases, such as making appointments, we can leave early.  Additionally, we can eliminate caffeine or eat a light snack to reduce intense feelings that come from pressures of being on the highway. 

Once we start our drive, we can decide to be part of the flow of traffic and not an intimidating threat to our own safety and the safety of others.

Conclusion

It is not always easy to overcome anger.  However, it is smart to take action to prevent the anger in the first place.

Stress reduction: Life’s challenges create pressure. I can’t always eliminate these challenges, but I can reduce the pressure by being smart about how I respond to them.

Action

I feel stress when I put things off.

To overcome procrastination, I simply agree to do one small thing. A common example is to go for a walk, I lace up my shoes. To do odd jobs around the house, I lay out my tools. Often, this one thing sets in motion my completing small tasks.  To reduce stress, I break projects down into multiple, simple steps.

When I am stuck with writing an article, for example, I write a statement. From there I write the information to explain the statement. I might write one paragraph.  I save what I have written as a draft.  Over a few hours, I may stop several times. However, by coming back a new information through the day, I complete the article.

Write Things Down.

When something is bothering me, I can write it down.  Writing takes the sting out of stress. Further writing helps me process anxiety. Moreover, the further writing often leads to solutions to solving problems that bother me.

From there, I have a plan of action that gives me the confidence to be more productive. I have a sense of accomplishment.  I feel less stress.

Eat Healthy Food First

When hunger makes me anxious between meals, a snack cuts my anxiety until mealtime.

Sugar snacks make me hungrier.  The sugar demands insulin to burn the sugar. Somewhere in the lack of balance between sugar and insulin, I feel anxious.

Therefore, I try to keep more satisfying snacks handy.  Cheese, nuts, peanut butter are calorically dense, but reduce cravings and quiet the anxious voices in my head.

Take Breaks

Being tired clutters my mind. I become less productive. My cluttered mind focuses on problems.

For me, a power nap or a walk help me recover from the fatigue of working on most projects.  Simply walking for a few minutes reduces my anxiety.

To remind myself to move each hour, I have notifications on my calendar to leave my desk and move around.

Get Plenty of Sleep

Not only do I take breaks. I try to get plenty of sleep.  Allowing my brain to rest enables me to make better decisions. Better decisions increase success and cut stress.

Lack of rest is one of the steps to burnout.  We reach a point where overdoing our job cripples us in ways that we can’t perform at work.

Keep It Real

It is so easy for me to want to control national or international events.  Thinking that I can control these things is completely fruitless and painfully stressful.

People in forums say things that annoy me.  Correcting them is pointless.  I can’t police the Internet!

Likewise, I can easily believe that I can change other people.  There are things that I can do that affect how other people react.  However, just changing my own behavior is not always easy.  Believing that I can change other people is often impractical.

Frustration over the things I can’t change creates stress.  I try to keep it real about the things that I can change and not change.

Talk with Friends

Just having friends helps me beat stress.  Talking to friends gets me out of my own head and into the present moment.  Furthermore, in talking with friends, I get practical information on dealing with challenges in my life, thereby increasing success and stress reduction.

Stress Reduction

Reducing stress clears our mind and increases our long-term success. The steps to stress reduction include steps to increase our health.

Bias dictates to our reason and wisdom, but is it always bad?  What role does it play in decision-making and in governing our actions? Knowing that we have bias and learning how to manage our bias empowers us to act intelligently to the world in which we live.

The biggest challenge is managing our bias is recognizing that they exist, and that fact is not a bad thing. Biases create an awareness that we are dealing with things that are important to us.

How Bias Dictates Our Decisions

Bias is the visceral, negative, or positive feelings that we have about a person, place, or thing.  These feelings simplify our lives to interpret the world to our liking.  It bypasses our ability to reason.  Also, it is that noisy voice that drowns out wisdom. Biases drive the way we want to see the world.

This voice is an essential element of human nature.  Patriotism, faith, political ideology, and fandom sit atop our biases.  The powerful effect of bias can bring us together to form successful groups.  In sports, business, or other matters of competition, the voice of our bias motivates us to support our team and defeat or competitors.

Additionally, these feelings can make life fun.  The excitement, love, and joy we feel for our sports team, political party, religion, or family members come from these feelings.

We hear the word “biased” often from the proud parent who brags about a child.  The parent closes with, “Of course, I am not biased.” Nod, nod, wink.

Furthermore, these feelings bring us peace.  They help us overcome doubt and fear.  Bias can create healthy, positive emotions that carry us through periods of uncertainty.

At other times, bias can create tension when our feelings conflict with the thoughts and feelings of other people.  Discussing religion, sports, politics, and any other feelings about our core beliefs with people who don’t share those beliefs can undermine the bonds of loyalty within a team or among co-workers who interact with each other.

Emotional Intelligence: A Healthy Relationship with Our Bias Dictates

Since bias has beneficial effects and adverse effects on how we think, having a healthy relationship with these feelings is important.

The first step is recognizing that we have biases.

Unlike the emotions that float through our daily lives, biases become hard-wired to our beliefs.  These feelings respond to triggers. When we hear or see things that instantly and subconsciously stir our emotions, the noisy voice of bias can drown out the voice of reason.

We believe in the things that we like.  We get angry when we hear or sear things that we don’t like.  When we interpret the world as good or evil based on our emotions, it is difficult for us to know what is true or false in the world.  Likewise, it is easy for biases to deceive us into making bad decisions.

The second step in having a healthy, productive relationship with our bias is learning to pause. We can let our emotions settle. From there, we can attempt to take an objective look at the things that are happening.

Additionally, we can speak with other people who are not involved in the situation. People who are not driven with the same bias as you.  From their thoughts, we can create a plan based on emotional intelligence.

Bad bosses can destroy your career as they make your life miserable before you get away from them. Here are ways you can protect yourself and your career.

If you are working for a bad boss, you have my understanding and empathy.  I have had a couple of bad bosses.  One had no interest in his job and was a roadblock to my career.  The other one was verbally abusive.  In the first case, I left the company for a better opportunity.  In the second case, I adjusted to my supervisor’s difficult behavior.  He promoted me before he went to another job.

The Mental and Physical Risks of Working for Bad Bosses

Working for long periods of under the stress of a bad boss damages your health and your life.  Common experiences include:

• Fatigue
• Impaired mental ability
• Depression and anxiety
• Mental and physical damage that may continue for years after leaving the bad situation

How can You Protect Yourself and Your Career?

There are things you can do to reduce the stress and to work more effectively with bad bosses. Here are some of them.

Keep a Journal

Writing about your experience helps you in several ways.  The process helps you clarify your thoughts and find solutions.  Additionally, writing help you process the emotions and reduce the sting of dealing with your boss.

Keeping a journal with the details of your experience can help you to protect yourself.

List the details:

• Include documents, including emails, text, and memos.
• Track the details with dates and times.
• List what happened and how you responded

Respond with Emotional Intelligence

Discuss your situation with your mentor or other people you can trust to keep the information private.  Through these discussions, you can find comfort and solutions to handle the situation and reduce the stress of working for your boss.

Do not retaliate.  If your boss criticizes you, criticizing your boss in turn will create greater tension.  If your boss yells at you, yelling back will only heighten the confrontation.  Reply to your boss in a normal tone.  Listen to the criticism and say that you will make the changes your boss is telling you to make.

Develop skills to work with your boss.  Learn the way that your boss wants things done.  For example, your boss may like options or choices before making a decision. Make recommendations with choices of action or material.

Seek New Ideas for Dealing with Bad Bosses

Going over your boss’s head is not always a good idea.  At some companies, bosses will fire you for going to their supervisor or other people in the company.  The ill will alone can cost you support for pay raises and promotions.  However, building relationships and learning how other people are working with your boss can help you. Don’t talk with everyone about your issues with your boss. However, chances are that you are not alone.  Some of the other people in your company, people who are your peers, may have found ways to work more successfully with your boss.  You can learn from these people.

Showing Support for Your Boss May Reduce the Pressure.

Recognize times when you can show support for your boss. Give your boss credit when he or she deserves it.  The reason that a supervisor benefits from an employee doing a great job is that the results benefit the boss.

Additionally, you can show support for your boss by doing what they ask you to do without discussion. Making your boss justify their decision will only heighten tension.

Are Your Problems Temporary

Bosses come and go.  Do not ruin a career over a passing situation.  Try to see the bright side of things.  Your boss cannot eat you.  He or she may even promote you or give you a pay raise.  Eventually, your boss may just go away.

Find Another Opportunity

Explore your options to getting another job.  If there appears no end to the madness of dealing with a bad boss, look for opportunities to transfer within your own company or ways to get another job.

Confidence Development: Stress loves mental clutter.  As the pile of clutter grows in a person’s mind, stress becomes more powerful.

The clutter creates confusion and undermines our ability for confidence development. Instead of planning for upcoming events, we worry about upcoming events. The growing stress robs our energy.  Lower energy leads to inaction, procrastination.  Inaction creates greater mental clutter.

Mental Clutter>>Confusion>>Doubt>>Stress>>Fatigue>>Less Action>>Greater Mental Clutter>>Greater Confusion>>Greater Doubt>>Higher Stress>>Greater Fatigue>>More Procrastination>>Mental Clutter. So goes the cycle.

Writing Can Open Our Mind to Greater Confidence Development

When I suffer from worry, I often write about it. When I am feeling stressed about something, writing takes the power from my anxiety.  Sometimes, just putting something on my calendar helps clear my mind.  I name the problem and create a to-do list for the solution.

For example, I might write, “I am afraid that I will miss my flight.” Then I can write a solution.  “I will make my flight, because I will go to the airport early and relax until my flight begins boarding.”

Case Study

A more complex example is how one of my friends prepares lectures he gives to large audiences. Public speaking is stressful for nearly everyone. My friend is an expert in his field. The first time he gave one of his lectures, just thinking about the presentation made him nervous.  As he spent more time thinking about speaking to an audience, he became more nervous. Confidence development was lost.

The Solution

As he prepared for his speech, he found that writing about his feelings had powerful results. He wrote, “I am nervous about giving this presentation to this group.”

Then he outlined what he wanted to say.  It occurred to him that he was not the subject of the presentation. His knowledge was the subject. He began to see his audience as people who needed the information that he could give them. Additionally, he saw how his presentation could help his audience become more successful in their professions through learning what he had to say.

He focused on writing out the details that would benefit his audience the most.  As he wrote, he gained confidence.  He saw the value in his knowledge.

He has given the lectures for over a decade.  As new developments occur in his field, he updates his presentations.  His ideas are current, relevant.  New audiences need his knowledge as much as the first audiences did.  He keeps his mind clear by sweeping out the clutter by naming his fear and focusing on the solutions he is giving his audience. He has learned the tools of confidence development.