Category: Leadership

Toxic Behavior: Sometimes companies develop a culture based on conflict and anger. The problem often starts at the top and works its way down and throughout an organization.

In other cases, companies hire individuals with a toxic personality.  These people survive based on their performance and, at times, manage well up within the organization. They know the politics of relationships.  They hide their toxic behavior from their supervisors.  However, their coworkers and the people who work for them suffer.

Despite your best efforts, you may never be able to get along with these people.  They have a critical, judgmental, negative personality.

The Pain of Toxic Behavior

Dreading having to work around toxic people is normal.  You are not alone. Additionally, don’t blame yourself for their behavior.  Blaming yourself can keep you in toxic relationships. Furthermore, no matter how well you attempt to adjust to accommodate these people, truly toxic people will not adjust to your efforts to accommodate them.

During the jobs I had in college, my service in the military, and my career in consumer products, I had over a dozen supervisors. Additionally, I have worked with dozens upon dozens of coworkers and clients.

For the most part, I have worked with good people. On the other hand, I have worked for and with some very difficult people.  In most cases, I found that there was very little I could do to change the nature of my relationship with these difficult people.  However, in some cases, I did find ways to improve relationships with even the most difficult people.

The Causes

In some cases, the relationship problems result from simple differences between two people.  For example, you and the person with whom you have difficulties may simply have different ways of approaching work.  In other instances, you may have a different way of seeing the world. You may have different values in your life and your work. A simple conflict in values can create conflicts and can sour relationships.

Abusive Behavior and Discrimination

Beyond the problem of toxic environments, regrettably, abusive behavior and job discrimination exist. Even more regrettable is that some companies ignore the problems and their employees continue to suffer. When you are a victim of abuse or when you are the target of racial, sexual, political, or religious bias, you are dealing with difficult problems.

I recommend that you speak with mentors, professionals in the areas of abuse or discrimination, and perhaps with an attorney.  Biases of race, gender, politics, and religion may seem normal to the person who is biased. People see their unconscious bias as the truth, even as facts. Before you charge at the people who have harmed you, consider the issues for the long-term good of your career.  Remember, you may be dealing with people who just can’t see the truth in things that don’t align with their biases. Again, I recommend that you get the best advice possible before acting.

Document Your Experience

If you are receiving abusive emails or letters from people in you company, save those documents.  If you must reply to those emails, don’t respond out of anger.  Make your reply factual and professional.

Make notes on a private calendar of things that happen to you. Include the date, time, and circumstances.

If your company has human resources or other professionals in place to help you, explore the possibility of discussing the issues with those people. Keep in mind that in toxic cultures the very people who are in place to help you may play roles in perpetuating the problem. Develop a relationship with these people.  Get to know them.  Try to learn of other issues they have resolved within the company.

Confrontation

You have personal boundaries.  Everyone does. Additionally, you owe it to yourself to protect those boundaries.  When possible, let people know when they are crossing those boundaries.

You should be firm but not act angry. Anger, in many cases, can only make matters worse.

In confronting the person, select a place and a time that will help you work out your issues.  Perhaps, make an appointment in the person’s office. Select someplace private where you both can be candid and yet feel safe.

Until you work out your issues with the person, whenever possible, simply avoid the person.

Job Change

Workplace Relationships: Accept, Change, or End

If you believe that a job change is the answer, clarify in your mind the symptoms of toxic relationships. Make a list of your personal values. Empower yourself to make a career move that will enrich your life in your workplace relationships.

Furthermore, research as well as possible the people for whom you will be working.  Ask to speak with people who are currently working at the company.  Ask general questions about what they like and don’t like about the company. From these discussions, you may learn a great deal about the culture and the people around whom you will be working.

If the person who will be your supervisor is not in the interview process, ask to meet that person prior to signing on with the company.

Leadership Styles: There are as many leadership styles as there are different personalities and different points of view. Why does this matter? These traits create bias that colors a leader’s judgement.

The Effect of Leadership Styles

The leadership style that you use will affect the morale, productivity, engagement, and, ultimately, the success of your organization. Here are some ideas to help you rise above your emotions and your prejudice to create a leadership style that will lead to a successful organization.

Moods

We all have high moods and low moods.  When we are in a low mood, we can become impatient and abrasive. Additionally, we can lose confidence and become less effective as leaders.

On the other hand, when we are in a high mood, we can become generous with our time and the company’s money.  We can become less demanding than required for success team effort.

Whether we are in a high mood or a low mood, we must focus on the performance of the team.  Before we start to lead, we must level out our moods. Great leaders establish an understanding of what they expect of an entire organization. A bad mood can undermine the understanding an organization has of the leader and the mission. Trying to follow a leader who is up one day and down the next is confusing.

Consistency

Some leaders are inspirational teachers. Other leaders are practical teachers. There are leaders who micromanage. Some leaders delegate. Still other leaders leave all the decisions on how to do things to the people who are doing them.

There are countless leadership qualities that lead to success. Throughout my career as a recruiter and business owner, I have made notes on leaders I admire.  One of the things that I most admired was consistency.  Once I knew what to expect from a leader in terms of their expectations in our relationship, I could manage my style to meet the leaders approach to business.

For example, I worked with a senior vice president of sales who wanted to speak with me at 6:00 PM on a regular basis. She wanted an update on each recruiting assignment and my plan to complete each search.  I prepared before the call and gave her the information she wanted. Therefore, our calls were short, to the point, and productive. The consistency made working with the person simple.

Leaders who let their personality control their leadership often fail to focus on the organization’s mission.  Therefore, as a leader, ask yourself whether you are acting in the best interest of the organization or to feed your ego.

Photo by Silas Baisch on Unsplash

Giving credit to other people is a no cost way to boost morale and reduce turnover.

Leaders who have the humility to give credit inspire others to become future leaders. ~ www.jaywren.com

A Memorable Experience

Saying, “Thank you” is easy to do.  People appreciate it when I say, “You did a good job.”

Furthermore, people not only enjoy receiving credit.  They tend to remember the experience. Giving credit is a type of winning behavior that will help you build career-long relationships and an ever-growing network.

Humility to Inspire

Leaders who give credit are an inspiration to an organization.  They encourage positive behavior with positive reinforcement.  Inspirational leaders are not afraid to say, “You did an excellent job.”

Gaining Respect by Giving Recognition

People respect leaders who give credit.

For several years, I have published a newsletter. Two people have regularly given me thanks for my work in creating and publishing that newsletter.  One of these people is a senior executive at The Walt Disney Company.  The other person was the Vice President of Sales at Nestle at age thirty-two and today places more C-level executives than any other corporate recruiter in the country. I remember and I respect these people for responding to my efforts to keep them up to date on career and industry information.

The Simplest Form of Recognition

I have read several times that the words people most like to hear are the words in their name.  When I first meet people, I repeat their name during my conversation with them.

Whenever I greet people, I say their name. Of course, when I want their attention, I say a person’s name.

Name recognition is very powerful, especially with people you are getting to know.

The Real Winner in Giving Credit

The real winners in giving credit are the people who are giving the credit.  These people attract people to them.  I remember people when they take time to give me recognition. I find that especially is the case when I have done a large job.  Furthermore, I find that I remember people who have repeatedly thanked me for my work or told me that I did a good job. I feel good about myself and about those people.

Workplace Winners: How do people set the tone and take the action to become a winner in the workplace? Here are four steps I have seen that separate workplace winners from the crowd.

Workplace winners show respect for the people who respect them.  ~ www.jaywren.com

Respond Intelligently to Criticism

When someone criticizes me, I can easily criticize him or her for things that they have done.  This type of response does not lead to solutions.

The best thing I can do is to listen to the person. I can create space and time until I can understand what the person is saying.

The person may have information I need to do a better job.  Even if the person has suggestions that will not help me, I can listen and avoid tension.  I can focus on the situation at hand.

Let Other People Have Their Say

I have two ears and one mouth.  I need to learn from other people.  If I am talking all the time, I will never learn anything from anyone.

If a person has gone off the subject, I can direct them back to the point of the discussion.

Moreover, Pay Attention to What People Are Saying

When my mind is elsewhere during a conversation, people will notice that I am not paying attention.  I need to wake up and pay attention.  People respect me for the attention I give as much the attention I get.

Show concern for people who are struggling

I once became impatient with a secretary who was hesitant about helping me schedule a flight.  When I pressed her on the matter, she confessed that she had never scheduled a flight.  She had never been on an airplane.  The fact was awkward for her.  She was so bright and capable in so many ways.  I apologized for my impatience.  I explained the simple process to her.  She booked the flights.  A little bit of patience from me helped us both move on to the important things we needed to do that day.

Workplace Winners

In Conclusion, workplace winners don’t focus on what is wrong in other people. Rather, they show respect and learn from others in the workplace. As a result, these winners gain respect and build their own success.

Tyranny: Leaders can become cruel. They can use their power to oppress, abuse, and cheat workers.  Ultimately, tyrannical leaders can destroy an organization. On the other hand, great leaders lift their workers to create great organizations with people who enjoy professional success. What elements create great leaders who instill confidence and workplace engagement?

Tyranny in leadership infects the brain of an organization and creates destruction as it spreads throughout the entire organizational body.
~ www.jaywren.com

Leadership

Leadership is a trait that can start from any place in an organization.  Usually leadership starts at the top and runs throughout the entire organization.  By picking and developing winning teams, great leaders create great organizations.

Tyranny in Leadership

However, bad leaders, especially leaders who practice tyranny, can create failure in any organization. The Caine Mutiny is a novel about a commanding officer, LCDR Philip Francis Queeg, whose endless mistakes and tyrannical command create such desperation among the officers that they commit mutiny.  Herman Wouk, the author of The Caine Mutiny, drew upon his knowledge from World War II experiences aboard a similar vessel, the USS Zane.

The book dramatically portrays leadership failure.  The mistakes, tyranny, and dishonesty of Captain Queeg result in mistakes among the officers and crew and create dangerous and embarrassing situations for the ship under his command, the USS Caine.

As I said in an earlier post, there is a saying in the United States Navy, “So goes the captain. So goes the wardroom. So goes the ship.”  A bad captain creates bad performance among the officers who in turn create bad performance among the people who work for them.  On the other hand, great commanding officers raise the performance of their officers and in turn their crew.

The same principle applies in any organization.

Brilliance Exists at All Levels

Great leaders know that brilliance exists at all levels of their organization. Furthermore, great leaders have left great quotes to instruct us on leadership.  During World War II, Fleet Admiral Chester William Nimitz was the Commander-in-Chief, US Pacific Fleet.  Additionally, he was Commander of the Pacific Ocean Areas for U.S. and Allied air, land, and sea forces. Here are two quotes from Nimitz that show his view of leadership.

“Leadership consists of picking good men and helping them do their best.”

“Some of the best advice I’ve had comes from junior officers and enlisted men.”

Rather than abuse the people who work for them, great leaders see these future leaders as sources of creativity and inspiration.

My Experience with Excellence in Leadership

The greatest leader I have known is Admiral Sylvester R. Foley, Jr., who, like Nimitz, was Commander of the U.S. Pacific Fleet. I knew him earlier on when he was my captain aboard the aircraft carrier the USS Midway.  He would say things to encourage and to simplify the job for the people under his command. He clearly stated what he expected of you.  Furthermore, he gave you credit when you performed with excellence.

Great leaders like Nimitz and Foley influence lives. The leadership I experienced under Admiral Foley gives me confidence and direction to this day.  Tyranny destroys leadership.  However, the best leaders create great leaders to follow them.