Author: Jay Wren

THE FEELINGS OF SUCCESS
How you feel about yourself and your world will have a great deal to do with how well you interact with other people.  These feelings also will have a great deal to do with how other people interact with you.

SMILE
I talked to a guy one time who said that it is impossible to be sad when you smile.

How simple is that concept.  Sad. Smile.  Not sad.

However, haven’t we always known that how we act affects how we feel?  “Gray skies are gong to clear up, put on a happy face.” Bye, Bye, Birdie.

LET THE FEELING PASS
Sometimes I find that feelings are just breezes.
When I feel unhappy, I can sit still and let my mind become aware of what I am feeling.  I can observe how my skin feels and how my muscles are reacting and where in my body the unhappy feeling is at the moment.   I do not have to resist that I am unhappy.   I just let the feeling exist and observe it passing through me and let my body respond in whatever way it needs to release the feeling.   I think about what I am feeling, and I do not look for reasons why I might be feeling unhappy. Sometimes feelings just come along and if I look for things to attach them to, those feelings hang around.

FRIENDS ARE NOT THERE TO SHARE THE MISERY
I can call friends and not talk about the feelings I am having. Misery does love company, but it moves along more quickly if I let my friend talk about what is going on in their life.

ACCEPT SOLUTIONS
Some people are great problem solvers. If my feelings are in reality based on something I need to handle, I can call friends and tell them I am seeking solutions. I find that this approach can be a very helpful way to deal with my feelings immediately, because I learn that I have options.

Employment matters to everyone:  employers, workers, families, singles, adults and the children they support.  You matter!

When you don’t like what you are saying to yourself, change the subject.

I learned some time back that the quality of my thinking is related to my moods.  My moods may go up after I eat or listen to music or get some rest or get some good news.  My moods may go down when I am hungry or tired or get bad news or sometimes for reasons that I cannot identify.

What I have noticed, however, is that as my moods rise and fall, the things I attach to my moods in terms of thinking become more important or less important along with the changes in my moods.  When I am in a great mood, my troubles seem less important if the troubles even occur to me at all.  When I am in a low mood, I put my troubles under a magnifying glass and they become very large and appear to be very important.

What I have also learned is that the less I focus on things that trouble me but are not actually happening in the present moment, the better my moods tend to be for the day.

In an earlier article, I discussed “How to Turn Worries into Plans.”  The point of this essay is to interrupt our thoughts when are not planning, but just ruminating.

Here are some things that help me change the subject when I do not like what I am saying to myself.  I call people who are great listeners.  I like to call some people, because they have a skill for saying things that help me put things in perspective.

Several years ago, my business was slow.  I was feeling anxious.  The more I thought about how slow my business was at the time, the longer my periods of anxiety became.

One day when I felt so anxious, I had the sensation that my skin actually was tingling.  I called a friend who had a miraculous way of helping me with getting an accurate perspective.  He listened to what I had to say about my concerns.

Then he said, “Do you remember what you did when your business was successful?”

I replied, “Yes.

He said, “Do that again.”

How simple.  Snap.  For the first time in several days, my anxiety passed.  I had an option to living in my anxiety.  I could focus on the things I had done when I was successful and just repeat those things that had worked before.”

Another way of changing the subject of my own thinking is to listen to people or read material from people who have fun or uplifting content.

The first experience I had where I recall being aware of an outside source completely altering my thinking came one Saturday morning when I was in one of four long lines at a car wash.  It was a beautiful Saturday morning, I was in a new car, I was in line to have a team of professionals clean my entire car, and I was mentally discussing how tough my life was going.

I remembered that I had a Zig Ziglar motivation recording in my car, and I had never listened to it.  The experience that I had from listening to that presentation was miraculous.  I felt great.  My mood elevated.  My thinking changed.

Music can be such a strong mood changer that movies, sporting events, and even shopping centers use music to enhance the mood of their customers.  Harry Cohn of Columbia Pictures saw the movie “High Noon” prior to the addition of the soundtrack, which four-time Academy Award winner Dimitri Tiomkin had created for the movie.  Cohn predicted that the movie would be a flop.  Stanley Kramer, producer of “High Noon,” would no doubt say that the soundtrack is the tight leather belt that pulls the tension of the movie together.

Sometimes changing the subject can be much simpler.  I can take a deep breath, take a walk, take a nap, and have a healthy meal.  I do the simple things that people with great mental health do every day.

You are extraordinary!  When you don’t like what you are saying to yourself, change the subject.

There are times when the boss needs to know.  Extraordinary people know when they should call the boss.

At sea as a Navy officer I stood watches which included the safe navigation (piloting) of the ship.  As a new ensign in the Navy, I served on an aircraft carrier and never expected to see the bridge of the ship.  Yet the night of the first day at sea, I was on the bridge and began training for the position when I would be the responsible for the ship’s safe navigation. One year during this period of my time in the Navy that I spent more time on the bridge of the ship than I spent on land.

One night at sea in the Pacific Ocean, I witnessed one of those close passages when the person who was in charge of the ship’s safety in terms of course and navigation could not bring himself to call the ship’s captain despite the danger that developed.

There are shipping lanes in the world’s oceans where the flow of shipping traffic is non-stop, and the destinations put vessels on courses that seem to flow with an order almost like the order of an Interstate freeway system.

The part of the ocean where this incident took place was one where ships might go days without passing another ship, and the courses passing ships might be taking were infinite.

I was still in a more junior role during this watch.  I am not sure what the consequences were for me if a collision developed.  However, I assuredly did not want to be on a ship in a collision at sea under any circumstances.

It was the middle of the night.  Except for the people on watch, everyone in the ship was probably asleep.  The captain was asleep.

A ship appeared on the horizon miles away and a few degrees to the left of our course. The ship was close but not quite straight ahead of us.  This ship appeared to be on a course that would put it coming just to the left side of our ship.

We could determine quite a bit about the other ship’s course from the lights on the ship.  The mast lights were visible.  The red light on the left side of the ship (port side) was visible.  The green light was visible but seemed to come and go from our view.

When you can see both the red light on the port side and the green light on the starboard side of a vessel you are looking to the center of a vessel that is pointed at you.

One way to determine if a vessel is going to collide with your vessel is to determine if the other ship is getting closer and is bearing down on the same part of you vessel:  the vessel has a steady bearing and declining range or, to use standard nautical reference,  SBDR.

As the minutes passed away, this vessel was coming closer and appeared to be holding to a bearing that seemed consistent.  If the bearing changed, the variations were so small as to be difficult to determine.

How to open the passing distances between two vessels can sometimes be a little tricky to determine.   If a ship appears to be bearing down within a couple of degrees to a ship’s port side as this one did, then coming starboard a few degrees or perhaps adding a few turns on the screws might open a passing  distance our left side.

However, if our bearing readings had been off, and we just had not been able to determine that this vessel’s course was in fact taking her across our bow, coming starboard or increasing speed would have put us into a collision course.

“Rules of the Road”:  So that the ships’ pilots can take appropriate action in close passing situations, the international laws call for the ship on the right to maintain course and speed.   This requirement enables the pilot of the other vessel to take appropriate actions to avoid colliding with the ship that is crossing the bow of the pilot’s ship.

If the readings that we were taking on the other vessel were accurate, the Rules of the Road for ocean passing placed us with the burden to continue on course and speed as the ship with clearance for safe passing.

The Unknowns:  Ocean currents and wind changes can alter a ship’s course over the ground even though the nautical heading or rather the direction that you are steering by the compass has not changed. You may still be steering north but the ocean may have pushed you to the right or left over the surface of the earth.  What appeared to be happening is that the ship ahead of us was maintaining course and speed, but may have in the high seas been getting pushed back and forth from port to starboard.

The navigational plan called for us to stay on the same course and speed for several more hours.  To alter course would represent a change in the overall navigational plan and involved some other complications that affected the ship’s mission.

The officer of the watch had several decisions to make.  The simplest decision was to wake the captain, summarize the situation, and allow the captain to make the decision as to how to maneuver a close passage that appeared to be closer as time passed.

This officer opted not to call the captain.  I do not believe that he ever concluded that we would not collide with the other vessel.  Perhaps he had made that conclusion.  From my point of view, without one of the two ships altering course, whether or not the two ships collided was a matter of fortune.

For decades merchant vessels have used an automatic piloting system for efficient steering and to reduce manpower requirements.  This auto-pilot system has the name of Iron Mike.  On the high seas, merchant vessels are reputed to put their ships on Iron Mike during night steaming in the enormous open ocean and everyone goes to bed.  In other words, the ship’s wheel is locked and no one watches the ship’s navigation.  The practice probably happens less often than the subject is discussed, but it is a subject of discussion on the bridge of a United States Ship during the nights of lonely and quiet bridge watches.

Finally the ship was within a few hundred yards of our ship and too close for any type of maneuver.  We officers and men on the bridge watched as the ship passed the angle deck of our carrier.  We lost all view of the ship except perhaps for the top of the mast.

The lookout on the back of our ship must have been less than 100 yards of the ship as it passed.  If the passing vessel was cutting any kind of angle inward toward our ship, the two ships may have passed within a few feet of each other.  Without direct communication with another vessel on the high seas, safe passage at that distance is a deadly percentage game.

That lookout at the back of our ship had not been aware of the passing vessel until it was upon us.  He was quite frantic when he made his report to the bridge that there was another vessel close aboard.

I do not remember the year this happened.  I do not remember the names of the other people.

Going forward in time, this harrowing experience taught me that there were times when you just call the boss.  The way I look at situations like this one, whether I am at sea or in business, sometimes it is wise just to call in another person.

I had one of the situations a year later.  Again it was the middle of the night.  The captain was asleep.  The navigational plan was laid out to attempt to escape a typhoon.

My orders for the watch were to change course at a precise time to avoid an island that the navigator described as a rock.

The ocean was so high from the typhoon that our ship took green water (solid sea water) over the catapult area.   There were ships everywhere.  The typhoon had pushed all the sea traffic into a narrow passage.  As carefully as I could I studied the lights and positions of the ships around my ship for an hour before the scheduled time of the course change.  The captain had gone to bed and was aware that the sea of full of other ships and had the knowledge that these ships were not a great threat because all the vessels were on the same southerly course and not crossing each other.

At the scheduled time, I gave the order to come about to our new course.  As our the bow of our vessel began to come around, our shipped heeled heavily and rolled back and forth from level to several degrees to port.   The change in course and the rise and fall of the ocean put our ship into lingering post-side rolls so deep and so long that at one point that I wondered if we had the ballast to return to center in the storm.

As we came around, all the other vessels must have gone into a scramble to alter course to avoid the enormous ship that had come about in their shipping lane.  Suddenly my understanding of what was happening was not clear.  It was hard for me to draw an accurate perspective on the other vessels.  This was night time.  It was stormy.  I was making decision on courses of other ships based on the view I had of their navigational lights.  As our ship was in the midst of changing course and some of the other ships began changing course, the view I had been using became lost.

I punched into the communication system to wake the captain.  He was on the bridge in probably less than a minute.  As I continued to study the situation I observed that the other vessels were coming to the same course that our ship had taken.  Apparently the commanding officers of these mostly merchant vessels recognized our vessel as one that could be trusted to take a safe passage.  We had become their guide ship.   Now the mental picture that I had taken before I began the course change was taking shape in the new alignment of the ships.  By now the captain had reached a point that he was comfortable to know that I called him out to the bridge.  He saw the confusion created from all the other ships shifting their course in response to the shift I had made in our ship.  He understood my view that the situation was evolving to look much the way it had before I started to change course.  He went back to bed.

In the first situation the events were so harrowing in part because the captain deserved to know that another vessel was bearing down on his ship so closely yet he never was given the chance to ensure the safety of his ship and crew.  Even though matters turned out well, the captain had developed the competence and earned the respect to make those calls.

In the second situation matters resolved so quickly that the captain’s skills were not required for us to navigate safely to our new course, but the confusion of the ship’s transition was sufficient that I owed it to the captain to let him make a call on the situation.

Ninety-nine percent of the time, the right thing to do may be to continue with your job as planned.  Your boss may need to be able to put his or her attention elsewhere.  However, sometimes the most extraordinary thing to do is to know when to call the boss.

I once heard a guy say that he got the humility button, but he had to give it back because he wore it.

So humility can not be worn like a badge.  When I forget that point, I pay a price in relationships and income.

In an earlier article titled “Be Extraordinary:  Be Wrong,” I discussed how recognizing that I might be wrong helps me operate with better information and make better decisions.  I also suffer less pain without the load of having to be right all the time.

For me, when I can have the humility to recognize that I may not be correct, my mind clears.  I can listen to other people.  I can learn more.

When I lose humility, I personalize everything.  My mind closes.  I have less information.  My success becomes based purely on percentages.

When I am around other people who have humility, I enjoy their company.  It is much more pleasant to speak with a person who allows me to express my thoughts completely and has the humility to treat my point of view as valid whether the person agrees with it or not.
There are two catch phrases that help me stay mentally and emotionally positioned.

The first one I say to myself:  “Try not to let your ego cost you friendships and money.”

The second one I say to other people:  “If I were standing where you are standing, I would probably feel the same way.”

Humility feels good.  Humility makes me a more pleasant person. Humility clears my mind to make better decisions.  Humility enables me to make more money.  I want to be extraordinary.  I will try to remember that humility is not a badge, but a principle for me to practice.

For me, green vegetables are the best weight-loss food and the best way to bypass the cookie jar.

Greens are interesting too! Greens are fun and nutritious.  Check it out!

Celery burns more calories than it contains.   Check it out!  Just slap that sentence in your favorite search engine, and check it out!

Broccoli is a cabbage.

Bok Choy is a cabbage.

Cauliflower is a cabbage.  In other words, cauliflower is a green vegetable.  Check it out!

Lettuces and sunflowers are cousins.   Thank you to the farmers for growing some of their sunflowers for their leaves! Check it out!

If there is a leafy green you have not tried, please try a small sample to start.  Not everyone’s body responds the same way to different foods, even leafy greens!

I want to be extraordinary.  Bring on the greens!

I am more successful when I start with simple steps.

For me, motivation is not the key.  Consciously in the present moment, doing one thing at a time is the key.

I do not require myself to get motivated to go for a walk.  I just agree to put on my shoes.

I put them on and watch my hands as I lace my shoes.

As I walk, I listen to my feet hit the floor.

Then I agree to walk to a park bench a block away and agree that I can just sit on that bench if I prefer.  Thirty minutes, forty-five minutes, an hour later I have finished my walk.